Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
