Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
