Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
