I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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