the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
