I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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