Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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