Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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