I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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