Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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