I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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