So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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