You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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