I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
