Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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