I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
