did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
