I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
