im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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