no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
