Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
