so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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