Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
