so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.