...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update