I think about you every night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later