; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
