Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
