Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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