made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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