Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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