I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Randomize