You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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