if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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