I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
