I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
