And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize