I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
