that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
