So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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