Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
