do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
