I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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