What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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