I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
