toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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