Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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