my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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