do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
