i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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