I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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