apparently the secret to your success is patron
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
