if you like me you must not know who I am
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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