I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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