The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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