We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's rum buckets o'clock
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He did a backflip because drugs
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