Dude my mom stole all your condoms
People in love make me want to vomit
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All I want is dick and wine.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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