i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
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You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
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If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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