saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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