A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
